How I Practiced Wedding Self-Care in the Months, Weeks, and Days Leading Up to the Big Day

I had just tested the new Dyson Airwrap for our 2022 Healthy Beauty Awards, which meant that I had one at my disposal for no cost. Learning which attachments and routines worked best for my hair took several attempts over a few months. (I found anything Jen Atkin posts to be the most helpful.) I also relied on my TikTok For You page for makeup tutorials—I emulated this one and this one, purchasing the Charlotte Tilbury Hollywood Flawless Filter skin tint as the hero product in my new routine. (Yes, it is as good as everyone says it is.) 

Before this, I had never taken the time to just sit in front of a mirror and stare at my own face before. What an experience in getting to know yourself! But I found I actually enjoyed it. It was also therapeutic to do something with my hands for an hour every night; I wasn’t scrolling through Instagram or sitting on my laptop, but learning a new skill through trial and error. It gave me a creative space to play, and I was grateful for that. 

6. I screamed at the top of my lungs, precisely once, for three seconds straight. 

This was not a planned part of my pre-wedding self-care routine, but I would be remiss not to include it here. One night, in a fit of wedding rage (I couldn’t recall what I was upset about if I tried—which says just about everything there is to say about the emotional rollercoaster that this process was for me) I locked myself in the bedroom, lay down on the bed, and suddenly, without much thought, let out one loud, true scream. Afterward, my throat was sore and I was mildly shaky. Otherwise, I felt so much better. 

7. I made sure to take care of my skin every night.

Before your wedding, it can be tempting to try to undergo a “major glow up.” My skincare routine skews pretty straightforward—I use a hydrating serum followed by a cream or oil, depending on the day or time of year—but suddenly I found myself wondering if I should be starting retinol or getting Botox or doing high-potency peels. I ultimately decided against it. I knew that my two-step routine worked for me and my skin and I stuck with it. What I did do, however, was make sure I actually did this routine every single night so that it would definitely work. The process also acted as a ritual: I’m doing my skincare, I’m winding down, I’m leaving the wedding and my job and my family and my life behind me, and I’m going to bed.  

8. I started practicing Sunday reset days.

Every Sunday, starting four months before the wedding, I blocked out the entire day to get myself together. This usually entailed catching up on general life tasks (laundry, answering emails, tidying up, and cooking) that keep the engine running. I got this idea from TikTok, where beautiful people are able to make fluffing a duvet look enviable. Well, it was convincing enough for me: Getting chores and home admin taken care of on Sundays freed up time throughout the rest of the week so I could prioritize work and wedding planning and generally start the week with a clearer mind.   

What I did in the days leading up to the wedding 

9. I gave gifts to my most important people.

I had read a couple of wedding checklists that suggested giving gifts to your partner, your parents, your bridesmaids, etc. At first, this seemed like yet another thing I could have anxiety about, and I wasn’t sure whether I would do it. But by the end of the planning process, I realized that it was exactly what I wanted to do: say thank you despite my endless tantrums, demands, and impositions. 

I gave my brothers each a piece of jewelry, and each of my parents a gift that meant something to them. My husband and I also knew we wanted to put together something special for our friends and out of town guests, so we made gift bags with an assortment of items that felt uniquely “us.” Representing my side of the union were tiny samples of some of my favorite skin- and hair-care products (Odele shampoo and conditioner and Alchimie Forever body balm). I hoped that, in a weekend where we often felt like we were herding people like sheep, they would be able to take a moment to find a bit of quiet luxury, too. 

10. I watched Golden Girls every night before bed.  

I have a rule, and it is that no matter what else I’m watching, I always have one old, classic, heartwarming TV show that I slowly make my way through at night before bed. The week before my wedding, I started Golden Girls. It made me purely happy. There was something reassuring in a show about four women, all of whom have survived marriage in one form or another, carrying on despite their circumstances and doing so over lots of cheesecake. 

11. I had alone time.

Two days before the wedding, I went to a mikvah—a Jewish ritual bath that many people immerse themselves in before they get married. Before you actually go in the mikvah, you are led to a small private room where you can shower or bathe; I decided to draw myself a bath where I soaked for 30 minutes. It was the quietest room I had been in for a long, long time. I listened to the water as I shifted my weight. I looked at how it distorted the shape of my naked body. I felt like a baby again, which I think is, in many ways, the point. I was so alone, and no one could bother me. It was perfect. 

The wedding weekend itself was not too bad, either. My at-home hair and makeup was an overwhelming success, I made sure I ate whenever I was hungry, and, most important, I felt fully present.

Married life is great so far. My husband—what a strange word to say—and I are settling into our new home together. There are still boxes everywhere. There are small chips of paint that need to be touched up. We argue over how to organize the pantry and which lights to leave on overnight. At first, I was reluctant to complain. But sometimes, when I need to, I do—and then I walk the dog, or I watch Golden Girls, or I apply my two layers of skincare, and I know that it’ll all be okay.